This Is What Cold Feet Looks Like…

I am not good with change. So, now that I’m *so close* to graduating, I’m looking for ways to screw that up. Like…deciding I want a teaching certificate (“woah, what?!?!” is the appropriate response…punctuation marks included) and that instead of going to grad school, I might stick around here for another two years.

Here is why this is problematic:
1. Um, because the drama of junior high/ high school drove me to be suicidal…why would I EVER want to go back?
2. I want to do a lot of work with rhetoric and how to navigate through the genderedness of such. The common core doesn’t really allow for that.
3. Because I need to get out of this state and go someplace more…me. I mean, this is home. And it always will be. But I need a space more inclusive than Happy Valley. And by that, I mean I want to move to Vancouver. Canada. Green, sustainable, socialist (sort of) Vancouver.

Here is how getting certified to teach secondary ed could be beneficial:
1. Career! Full-time employment! Benefits! Work experience!
2. Create some space between my terrible undergrad transcript and applying for graduate school.
3. Pay off undergrad student loans before taking out more loans for grad school! Yay debt-free attempt.

How to make compromises:
Apply to teaching certification programs in Vancouver. Get certified to teach in Canada. Live and work in BC to establish residency. Travel during summers. When debts are paid, residency is achieved, and professorship beckons, apply to grad school in Vancouver. For half as much (which is like a quarter, or cheaper, of the cost of grad school here in the states). Apply for Canadian citizenship. Graduate with a doctorate in something fantastic, like social justice or literature or gender studies or rhetoric or some combination thereof. Live the dream.

Compromises. We’ll see. I may not *actually* want to be a secondary ed teacher. I may just be having consecutive panic attacks about graduating and moving forward. But whatevs.

We’ll figure it out…right?

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