Antsy.

Different from anxious. Anxious is something I feel all the time. Anxious, the term used to characterize the state of feeling anxiety. Antsy. Sounds like ants. Hate ants. Ants make me squirm. When I’m antsy, I squirm. Can’t sit still. Right now, I can’t sit still.

Because I have zero confidence in my ability to get my shtuff together.

Shtuff needing to get together:

1. Incompletes. 3 of them. Something about Gothic fiction and Freud; something about working class fiction and Foucault; something about Shakespeare, somehow.

2. Studying. For the GRE. And registering for it, as well. Soon. I haven’t taken math in ages. My vocabulary is limited. I used to be so good at taking tests.

3. Jobs. New ones. I need a new one. Work weekends, or something. Or from home. Taking 21 credits in the fall, and there is no time to work.

4. Therapy. Have to call someone, make an appointment. Essential part of getting better. Hate new therapists. Where do I go?

5. Homework. For this semester. I’m doing so much research for a paper I’m writing in the fall, and I need to do homework for right now.

6. Grad school. Have to get in. Someplace. Preferably UBC. Have to get my gpa up. Have to have a writing sample. Have to find 2 more people to write glowing letters of recommendation. Who? No idea. None.

7. Topic. Have to pick a paper topic. First Mormons and the ERA. Then Mormons and Female Ordination. Now? Just…lost. So lost.

8. Calm. Calm down. Can’t think straight. So antsy.

9. Healthy. Have to get it. Soon. No time to cook. No energy to exercise. But have to do something. Have to break patterns.

10. Ice cream. Fixes everything. *moves to #1 on the list*

Happy Sunday?

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